I'm so fucking centered right now
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
