I cut my penus on the lid.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
