All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
