im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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