you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
