My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
