Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize