Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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