So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
