This is not my ceiling
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
