she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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