Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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