Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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