I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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