Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
