He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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