no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
