my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
