i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
