Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
