The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
