I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Randomize
