I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
