I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Pants are for mortals
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
