Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
