I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
