Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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