My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
