Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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