I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
