dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize