He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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