the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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