I met the friendliest cop last night
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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