Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
