Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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