When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
