I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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