Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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