i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
