Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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