"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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