my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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