is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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