Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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