So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
