It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
