I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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