We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
