you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
