there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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