Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
