I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
