I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
