oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
