he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
it's like heaven, but drunker
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
