is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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