he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Randomize
