she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
