it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
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