Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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