the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
