We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
