i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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