I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
