How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My feet surprised me
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