Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize