And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
