I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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